Leave me alone?

TRUE  LOVE is everywhere, you see it in movies, You read about it in books and Hear about it in music..but is it that easy in reality?

In my school ( high school ) the freshman have dates, my best friends as well as everyone around me ..Me? I just sit waiting for them or roam around.My nickname is Forever alone because I’m 16 and haven’t date anyone yet..It doesn’t really effect me I’m still young but everyone pressure me.In this society if your not dating that’s a big shame, Everyone try to turn me into a sucker for love, and somehow I\m getting depressed they send me tips on how to fall in love..Ughhh God. I don’t know what to do anymore


Is age just a number?

Well, I’ve always believed that age is more than just a number, it define maturity, I also used to criticize those who dated/married people much younger/older  than them, but today something unusual happened…

I have a guy friend, well we’re more than just friend like best friend, he is 2 years younger than me (me:16 him:14)  but he is very mature ,we hangout together our family are friends and so we’ve known each other for 5 years . we talk daily on facebook, but today when we did hangout i went with my 2 girlfriends to a mall, we had fun , ate then they left so I called him and he came, Honestly I had much more fun with him than with my other 2 bestfriend, we talked and talked and walked, I really did have fun and enjoyed every minute . and somehow I THINK I LIKE HIM? I don’t really know, but I feel like I want to see him all the time, talk with him all the time, And about him he is single with no girlfriend and he like to hangout with me too, but I’m not really sure weather he finds me more than friends?

so the question is..is it normal to feel like this to your guybestfriend?    and is it normal to fall for a guy who is younger?  I just hate this idea; that he is younger!

I’m screaming inside of me

Today my sister came home she was studying abroad and finally came back. once she entered all the spotlight was centered on her, from the neighbors and my family, OH GOD SHE WAS THE CENTER OF ATTENTION,  I was truly happy for her and to be honest I’m not jealous not at all,she was away for more than 8 month, let her have some fun but what I HATE AND CAN’T HOLD ANYMORE, is the way she’s acting, you know that “ELDER SISTER WHO HAVE A CONTROL ALL OVER YOU AND YOUR LIFE” my God, she started making me schedules once arrived for what to study starting from this Saturday, at what time to sleep and wake up everythinggg! and so I started pushing myself away from her(  this is something I always do once I dislike something/someone) I know she’s doing that for my own sake, but Noo ! I started not talking with her, and using my phone more over, checking the facebook, and do all I can to ignore her but then my mom and dad  started to yell and told me to well behave and not to be selfish,they got really mad that I’m ignoring herself and her instruction  then right now they took each other  to sleep in one big room and left me alone  and probably they won’t speak to me for like 2 days. I don’t feel wrong ..I JUST, I JUst HATE it when someone takes control all over me, another reason is because my B’day is tomorrow and no one will remember, she didn’t even get me a gift from that country and I reminded her 3 days ago about my b’day …One more thing my parents and sis don’t get that I don’t like to show my emotions, I don’t want anyone to call me weak or use my feeling as my weakness and that’s why I didn’t run and hug her once she came, I shook my hands with her, leaving my parents in a total of shock, and then they called me selfish..

“The Two Most I…

“The Two Most Important Days In Your Life Are The Day You Were Born And The Day When You Find Out Why.”

This is so true and probably many people will not get the meaning unless they achieve something they’ve always dream of. Me, myself I still don’t know why I was born , neither did I achieve something  but I believe in myself, and I believe that one day I will come to know why and I’m pretty sure that this day is coming Inevitably, because I don’t want to die and be forgotten , I want, I want everyone to remember me and talk about me and my great achievement (which I frankly have no Idea about ) and this will definitely be my motivation, the power that keeps my going and trying different things till i find out what I master in. however some people insist on depressing me and keep me hopeless by many ways, by saying  that I don’t have any talent any natural gift , and keeps my hope low but, NO, I believe that SKY IS THE LIMIT, AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME, I will stay positive till forever, till I find out why.. to prove to everyone that are  wrong.

Once again, eyes on her.

So today my big sister is arriving from her university. She was in another country, studying abroad and, I can’t lie I’ve missed her so much,but on the other hand, I’m guessing I’m just jealous again of my parents giving her all their attention, not because of anything but because my B’day is in two days and no one will remember.I’m sure, so with my feeling being hurt and her; the family’s attention,ughhh I’ll just, I’ll just die a little in the inside.Image

Ever thought of sleeping forever and never wake up?

“Sing me to sleep Sing me to sleep And then leave me alone Don’t try to wake me In the morning ’Cause I will be gone Don’t feel bad for me I want you to know Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go“-THE SMITH asleep

Have you ever wanted to hide forever from everyone around you and and either go to a place where none knows you, or to DIE? well I do right now, and I have no idea what to do, I have that feeling where I’m in a room full of people but with no one to talk to, none. They say it’s a teenager  typical feeling well if so, I really want it to pass so fast, I don’t know till when I can  hold here, ’cause I don’t feel I belong here.


ImageIn two days time I will turn 16, the age almost all girls wish for but not me, and that’s not because I’m afraid of becoming older ( Frankly I am ) but because no one will possibly remember even although I have a very supporting, loving family but still NO.The reason is: for the past five years every one started depending on facebook which inform everyone about people’s B’day, and so they wished, but today I decided to change my birth date to see who would care and remember from my friends ( including my besties ) and even family. I wouldn’t blame my parents ’cause they are old enough to have a weak memory and other work problem, and my sister’s as well they do forget. AND FOR FRIENDS, if a family doesn’t will they? I don’t think so,however I don’t really know why I’m very sad about it this time, i MEAN EVERY YEAR my friend would wish me on fb, but not in personal because due to me living in a small apartment with my family there is no place in the home for a party, plus we’re not even that rich to celebrate it outside but for being fair and square my parent would always get me a cake from bakery store and books as a gift, but that’s only when I remind them, anyways with no one noticing I won’t mention the subject, and let this day be just like any other day; nothing special.